Resigning vs. Embracing

Back in Ohio. Back to cornfields. Back to classes...

I heard someone talking about how we, as human beings, both cling to and hate those things in our lives that are the same. We don't really like getting out of our routine. We don't like having to figure something out just to go about our lives. And yet we hate the daily grind. Ironically, we wilfully stay in the ruts we could get out of, and fight against the things that cannot change. Hm...

Mixed feelings fill me up about being back here. Good and bad. Pros and cons...

I love people. Already, I've run into some old friends and gotten to hear the stories that have comprised their lives for the past 6 months. Living in a dorm lends itself to lots of story sharing. Separation, restoration, new hobbies, new directions... When I get bogged down in thinking just about me and what's going on in my life, it's comforting, humbling, and perspective straightening to look at how many other people are living life around me. Significant.

And since I love people, I hate saying good-bye. I talked with my mom about that. I'm realizing that the more I travel, the more I meet people, the greater number of good-byes will need to be said. And I'm horrible at them. Part of me feels like not being here, because it feels like it further separates me from people and experiences that are so much a part of my own self.

I like reading and writing. We do lots of both here. And I like libraries. We have one of those as well.

I like being outside. Winter here is like death. However, my appreciation for cold has grown, so I will go out into the great outdoors regardless of the weather. Within reason.

I like new and exciting. And although Cedarville is so many great things, it isn't often new or exciting. But I had my time of all that, for a while. And in life there's always more to come. Which in itself implies new, and perhaps exciting.

So yes, mixed feelings. Sometimes an attitude check is necessary, no matter what the place is like where you find yourself. You can resign. Or embrace. You can't change your age. You may be in a situation of marriage, career, or education that you can't alter at this point in time. There's lots of things like that. When I realize I can't change something, there's an immediate choice. Resign or embrace. The difference is simple. I can begrudgingly "get through" whatever situation is before me. Or I can full on accept that this is the characteristic of this time in my life, but that it's still time and it's still life. One forces eyes to the ground. One opens eyes. One robs energy and joy. One gives expectation.

So, the plan is, whatever I think or feel through these first days of yet another transition, that I will embrace it. I want to proceed through life with as much hope and expectation and smiling as possible. And I'm fairly sure we don't reach that "as possible" very often.